November 20th, 4:30pm, a whoosh of a stomach ache came over me. I'd been fine all day with the exception of nerves, waiting to hear if our office was C-19 compromised.
For the next 5-10 days I self quarantined from my daughter & fought off a daily 102 fever. A Telehealth Dr. told me to drink Chamomile tea 3x's to kill the virus. Next day, was worse, so I headed to Urgent Care. X-rays & a covid test immediately showed severe pneumonia. My husband bought me a pulse oximeter. Please get this if you have symptoms! My regular Doc called to follow up the Urgent care visit & insisted I go straight to the ER -my -O2 levels were dangerously low. This simple, gadget saved my life. I was just going to keep fighting my fever in my bedroom and drinking chamomile tea! AAAAUUUGGGHHHH!!!! I was taken from the local hospital to a bigger suburb ICU within hours. I'm on a regular (Covid) wing now/sharing a room with a woman whose cough and phone calls are enough to make my ears bleed, but I'm praying for her speedy recovery. Every day has been a different trip. Somedays it feels 1 step forward 5 back. My fever broke days ago but I'm sweating profusely every single night. I'm coughing up blood (still) My 02 drops when I stand, my blood pressure is unstable. I feel unstable. Sleep is a high commodity because I keep getting stuck with more tests and bloodwork - which is fine - it's all part of the recovery process. But my veins are small and roll and my arms are a black and blue war zone. They are BAD!! I get shots in my stomach to prevent blood clots. I had a plasma treatment. They've injected diuretic into my lungs to clear the fluid because my new X-ray's have not shown too much improvement. This is frustrating. I can taste/smell. I'm hungry - which, I always take this as a good sign. I'd kill for a delicious cup of coffee. Whatever is here tastes like haunted bog water.
Being in here is emotionally terrifying. They won't let me leave until I can breathe on my own. I miss my kid, my partner in crime. My cat! I think about this entire year and how much has changed, how life is so different. This time in 2019 I remember looking at the astrology and telling Jim I was scared. I also had some personal, supernatural experiences right around that time to compound the issue. He always does his best to soothe me but I still started to gather my living will :( We cancelled our wedding reception 2x's. My outdoor yoga events were socially distanced. The High Witches Tea had an extra element of safety to it - because I really wanted to bring magic, and love together - we need it now more than ever. The world has straight up gone mad.
But we also need common sense and decency. If someone asks you to wear a mask because they are immunocompromised, just do it. Put your ego aside and help save their ass. I had asked people to wear a mask in our office - they just looked at me - like "how dare I?" I've friends who were verbally assaulted for asking people to also do the right thing, and I have to say, I'm angry. I don't want to be. Trust me - I'm sitting here chanting till the sun comes up to get the Angels to get me home safe, but part of me is pissed at the constant struggle to argue common sense, decency and just mindful, oneness. Get your shit together. It does not have to be this fucking hard. And I know I may have said this a million times already, but I could not be more eternally humbled and grateful to have your hands on my back in prayer. Seriously. It's been the only, true - comforting thing - truly- getting me through. It's nice to see people writing funny stories or sharing meme's/music. I simply apologize for not responding to everyone my energy is so all over the place. But I thought I'd write an update - which is not a lot - to put some ideas out there - that - yes, I want to say that I'm improving but it really feels like that improvement changes from moment to moment. Right now, I'm not doing so hot. I'm emotional and in pain. This thing is a shapeshifter. It plays on all your weaknesses. All of them. I'm trying my best to stay strong - I am. I promise. But this disease smells your fear and grabs you by the throat just when you think you're about to be breathing free. I can't wait to breathe free. I want to wish all my coworkers a safe and speedy recovery. I want to thank the beautiful strangers in these walls for taking care of me. And I ask that in your spare time, please keep petitioning that my lungs be restored to perfect health so I can go home to my beautiful, kiddo.
Wear your mask. Stay safe. Social distance. If you feel threatened in public, just take care of yourself. You are all you have. No asshole is worth it.
All my love. All of it - Thank you. - MG
