I simply lose my words. I'm cosmically tired. There's no other way to put it. I've wanted to express gratitude for the amazing Witches Weekend, fractions of solace in the moons that have come and gone, everyone's love and support through the turbulence, for my art show, my concern for everyone's wellbeing in the current state of affairs. But I've been really, really sad. And it's hard for me to come from that place when I still, no matter the circumstance, have so very much to be grateful for and others are running, grasping for their safety, sovereignty, their lives.
The world's pain is never lost on me. Never.
It's been a really heard year. I lost my father (& I'm a daddy's girl),
my engagement ring,
a girlfriend to breast cancer,
other friends that I've ripped out of the 'friend' zone and with all of that comes a tremendous amount of grief.
I find myself filled with rage I have nowhere to put other than into my art or to release it through tears in the most unexpected places, like the makeup counter at the mall. (totally, happened, totally embarrassed).
And while the world is nothing less than on fire I still, in the thick of it all cling to hope because I know that it's necessary for me, for us, for our future and survival.
You and I both know that our frequency is everything. And it's challenging to say the least, when you're grieving to pull yourself out of the darkness. Some days I confess, I do not want to. It's hard to breathe.
Indulging the darkness is tempting. I'd love to lash out online at people who have shown me their ass (and in person too). Because Jesus F%*K I am mad! A lot of the past few weeks crying and stay hidden in my apartment with no social contact has been somewhat medicinal although it's no way to live. It's imperative that I curb these heavy feelings with a daughter to show up for, a patient, loving partner, (JOBS) animals, friends, my art.
When I get desperate, I envelope the aforementioned in glimmers of hope that resemble art, ritual, breathwork and books - just as much as I possibly can endure.
Truth be told I also get really lost on social media.
While my posts have been sparse, my scrolling is way up and this I HATE.
GOOD NEWS though. Something shifted the past two days. There's a lightness. Breath is easier. Perhaps it's a ceasefire & astrological combo. Whatever the case, I've mustered the energy and motivation for one last in person get together this year because you know me, it's my mantra to lean into community (for all of us) to find the space, the time for healing. It's time. You, me, we need to push through. I'm so very grateful that Taryn has agreed for one last hurrah - and we're going to do a Winter Solstice Sound bath 12/21. Space is ultra limited. DM me for location and to RSVP (Michelle@VenusRisingInc.com) because it's not going to be a public gathering. It's just for ...us.
So, in one of the many times that I've wanted to write but didn't, I meant to say a big, heartfelt THANK YOU for a wonderful summer retreat, for an amazing Halloween Witches weekend, for your love at my first art show in over a decade, for checking in when my father passed away, for being such love - for being you. I mean it. I treasure you and I'm honored to be this connected in this lifetime.